I've been riding a jeepney all my life. Most people do. I prefer
it over a bus if the distance is just within the Metro (I can reconsider if the
bus is air conditioned). Yes, it's not the best form of transportation there is
but it's the most accessible and most reliable nevertheless. If MRT or LRT
won't be available on most major thoroughfares anytime soon, I guess mamang
driver and I will be having more quality times together.
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| Typical jeepneys, the most popular mode of public transportation in the the Philippines (Photo courtesy of Wikipedia) |
In a generation infiltrated by umpteenth snatchers and
hold-uppers, most people do twice of thinking if riding it is the best option
offhand. Being it filthy and open (and therefore a pollution magnet),
people have a lot of reasons to reckon just to say no to waving drivers and
barkers.
I think those who choose to stick with expensive taxi and bus
can justify their decision for safety’s sake (are taxis still safe anyway?) and
have the right against monikers of being morbidly fussy and finicky. Matters of
safety are prioritized by everyone after all.
I, too, sometimes despise riding it. But please don't get me
wrong. It's not the jeepney nor the careless mamang driver per se that I don't like
about riding it. Most encounters of my exasperation come from fellow
passengers who seem to habitually neglect the rules of etiquette, although some
are really friendly and can make me smile in appreciation of their disposition.
Some are terribly detestable though (ok, I exaggerated there).
I am not a perfect passenger either. I have my own kabwisitans
(naughty deeds) and
tantrums, but I am proud that I don't do things that are unacceptable to me in
anyway.
And so, aside from the abhorring criminals prevalent on our
streets, here is a list of passenger types you don't like to hit the
road with, and the best things to do once you encounter them:
1. The Make-Up Artist Wannabe
The Scenario:
En route to work, a girl in front of me took out her make-up kit
and applied one by one, starting from the face powder to the eyeliner,
the mascara to the lipstick and then to the lip
gloss. Hairbrush came after. Voila! Instant make-over.
The Litany:
First, a dressing room is no way similar to a jeepney interior.
Second, unless you are a movie star and we, inside the jeepney,
are your staff, doing a total major overhaul to your face is a taboo. The mere
brushing of hair while in public is already like brushing your teeth with
audience, or so what my journalism professor would always say.
Third, the reason why powder rooms or comfort rooms
(or whatever you want to call them) are made is for some personal
moments meant to be hidden from the public. From the word "powder",
activities included are given.
Fourth, it's annoying when someone in front of you
(especially if she's dusting her compact on you) pretends to be Shu Uemura and
just feel free with the brushes. Yes, it's none of my business. They have the
right to do that. The law supports them. Yet I hope the word "decorum" hasn't lost its sense.
The Payback Time:
A. Stare at her (or him? testify,
anyone?) and tell her with a lopsided smile, "Isunod mo ako ha"
(Do me next).
B. If she didn't get the message, just
pretend she's not around. Papansin lang yun (She’s just desperate
for attention).
2. The Feel-At-Home Buddy
The Scenario:
In my exhaustion from school, I wanted to sneak a much
needed nap while on the road. One time, I was about to snooze when a silly
sounding conversation rang in my ears. Silly because it was in
some kanto (street)
type of words other than the gay lingo I more often hear (I would
have found that entertaining). What's more was that the garrulous girls were
tattering like they occupy the jeepney all by themselves. It’s like they’re trying to pull
their tonsils out. Or probably they thought they were just having a chat at the
comfort of their home.
Uh, I've seen worse. A group
of friends, all tipsy, had been shouting inside the jeepney, with
my ears as a megaphone. They probably forgot they left their hang-out
and were already with civilized people.
Worst: My high school batchmate's mom told the
driver she would be talking with someone on the checkpoint very quickly. Should
five minutes count as quick? The horn had been scandalous and all the stupid
lady could do was to gesture hands as to wait. By the way, that happened during
rush hour. No apology from her afterwards. Wasn’t that annoying enough?
The Litany:
The nerve! How come God gifted some people with
so much arrogance and impudence? People like them don't have the
right to be in public utility vehicles. Since they feel that they are very much
at home, just talking with random
friends who are fascinated with their conduct, why not stay at
their homes all the time?
My own misdemeanor might decry me for this
if I'm carelessly regaling with people I don't personally know. A
good thing I choose the right time and place.
The Payback Time:
A. Everything can be
fixed in a civilized way of reprimand. Kindly tell them how
distracting they are without sounding too sarcastic.
B. If you feel ignored, then might as
well join them. Get worse. Get louder. Be more intrepid. Just compete with
them. (If you can't beat them, join them).
3. Mr./Ms. Congeniality
The Scenario:
During college, there was this guy from the other town who
started talking with me about his errand for the day. As manners forced
me, I went on with the conversation but without a tinge of interest. My
mistake...that hinted him to carry on. He veered from a casual talk to his bio
data, then to the dreading question of "How about you?” Wait, are we even close?
Another time, a not-so-old lady asked mo for a certain street
she's bound to. I’d like to think that I’ve
been a good boy so I obliged.
I even volunteered to tell the driver to drop her at the right place.
Never did I expect that this lovely looking not-so-old lady
would eventually ask me for spare money for her fare. It's
definitely a furtive way to ask for alms.
The Litany:
Being polite is a de
rigueur when you're in public. Yes, some of people may be surprised,
but that's how it is suppose to be. The downside of it: some people may take
advantage and pry deeper to your personal info.
In the case of the not-so-old lady, she wasn't that nosy, but
with an equally bare-callous face to ask for her fare. Maybe she's just in dire
need. But for jeez sake, how could she take advantage of my eagerness to help
if all she needed was some spare coins. She should have said it beforehand.
There are times when I look forward to a peaceful travel,
especially after a nose-bleeding, skull-breaking exam. If I'm not in the
mood to join a coveted repartee, then don't try. This kind of passenger
tends to break in your privacy of solitude, so be wary.
The Payback Time:
A. I'll be democratic: Would
you rather go on with the discourse out of nicety? Would you cut him/her
shortly by saying "Nice having words with you" then look to the other
direction? Or would you just look to the opposite side when he/she pauses
to send the message? I prefer the latter. It’s much diplomatic and natural.
B. Just nod and nod and nod. Say yes and
yes and yes. Don't mind whatever the person is saying. He/she should notice
that you’re not listening.
4. The Shampoo Commercial Model Wannabe
The Scenario:
I was comfortably seating, waiting for my turn to
say "Manong para to the side" when suddenly the
girl before me (imagine a guy enacting this) let loose her long,
sheer feeling-good looking locks in the air, pricking my face with
the ends. It was not only annoying, but also painful as well. It’s like having your face
whipped.
The Litany:
I didn’t understand the problem with this person. Was she making
an MTV or was she into shooting of the latest Palmolive shampoo commercial? Or
was she just giving her lice time to refresh, hoping
to transfer them on my head? How could she be so insensitive? If
she’s trying to impress me with that very dry hair, she’s far
from succeeding. I was never a talent scout or a hairstylist, so stop
showing me your hair.
The Payback Time:
A. Try asking her to please clip her
hair, and if a clip is not available, tell her to just hold them in place.
B. If she ignores your friendly request
and still makes her hair fly on your face deliberately, then it’s
time for plan B. If you have a scissor or any sharp tinker to use,
you know what to do. You can also use your bare hands. Pull her most precious
locks like you are being paid to do so.
5. The Spoiled Brat
The Scenario:
There were only two of us in a long jeepney. Both were at the
same side of the seat beside the entrance. Yes, we were at the far end of
the driver. Suddenly the feeling pampered lady beside me handed her
fare, not minding the fact that neither of us were near the driver. It seemed
that the lady forgot that I wasn't her nanny.
The Litany:
Okay, so she was a lady and I was supposed to play
gentleman. But heck, she should have sat near the driver upon seeing the near
empty vehicle in the first place (I rode first). Given the situation, don't
ever expect someone to stretch out and move from one end to another just to
hand over your fare. It's better for you to exert some effort rather than to
disturb someone else to do the job.
Okay, the passing
of fare is a part of jeepney culture. Without
it, the experience wouldn't be complete. But jeez, the culture I am talking
about is different from the
way some people are acting too important.
Okay, so the issue is so unworthy. It's so juvenile. So simple.
But that's just it. Simple things can be easily done. Don’t ask someone else to do if
for you.
Sometimes, our “Star of the Day” feels like sitting on the far
end of the vehicle then will just forcefully push his/her butt for you to give
way if you’re the one sitting there. It doesn’t matter if there’s a vacant space
deeper inside the jeepney. Our “starlet” will sit wherever he/she wants to.
The Payback Time:
A. Don’t mind the attention whore. Sometimes, some people really have to be
embarrassed first before they can think straight. Don’t let this person boss
you around.
B. If she/he grows persistent, being blunt proves necessary. Say something
like “Excuse me, do I look like your nanny?”
6. The Chance Taker
The Scenario:
My friend and I, together with a dozen more people, were
racing for stopping jeepneys when this "psychomaniac" took advantage
of the bustling crowd and shovelled his way through the door, with hands wide
open of course, forcing all the ladies to step aside, or else, they might
be clandestinely harassed. Unless he looked like a Hollywood superstar,
the passengers might not like being touched by someone on any part of their
body.
The Litany:
Admit it, once or twice, you have been a victim of this
type of passenger who have a flair for taking advantage of a busy crowd. Some
look fairly decent enough. Either way you look at it, sexual harassment is
sexual harassment in any sense. That is illegal and everybody has the right
against it. Know your rights.
The Payback Time:
A. Slapping him (or her? oh please,
testify, anyone?) is the most triumphant way of vengeance, only it is
scandalous. But who cares, he will be the one in the hot seat anyway.
B. So you don't feel like being
scandalous? Just go on with the game. Touch him too in body parts he has been
touching you. It's a lot more fun, trust me.
7. The Drunkard
The Scenario:
I was half way home when suddenly a ruffian-looking
drunk man came out of nowhere, rode the jeepney and sat beside me. Couldn't
I be more unlucky? Aside from the fact that I wasn't
safe given my situation and his temporary insanity, he also smelled like hell.
I could swear his stench reminded me of a fresh spew I once stepped over on one
of my bad days.
He kept on talking to me on a gibberish language I have never
encountered in my whole life. Did I have a choice? None. Just agree and agree
or he might stab me. I
still have dreams, you know?
The Litany:
Imagine a big, yellow-green vomit sitting beside you. Not
to mention that the vomit talks excessively. How would you feel? Or rather, how
would you smell?
Mamang driver earns half the blame here. Why do drivers need
to pick up waving drunken passengers anyway? They aren't even sure
the drunkard will pay. This is a safety matter drivers should always consider.
Please, do not pick apparently looking drunken people. I'll pay you
another minimum fee, just don't make him sit beside me.
The Payback Time:
A. Since it is impossible to pacify or
make a drunken man go down from the ride, just push him outside, with
all force to be sure he won't hook his hands onto the hind, then shout "Oh my
goodness, the guy fell!" Make sure he's not expecting your
attack. That should be easy, he's inebriated remember?
B. If you are deadly anxious on whether he's planning to stab you at the
side, and you're starting to freak out for your life, then better get
off the ride and just choose another one. That's safer.#jeepney
#jeepney passengers
#jeepney passengers you don't want to ride with
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